Beer Diplomacy

This is a strange thing, President Obama and Vice President Biden sitting down for "beer diplomacy" with Professor Gates and the cop, Granger, Potter, whatever his name is, oh yeah, uhh, I forgot it again, oh, Crowley!

Imagine that. You arrest a guy in his own home and you end up going to the White House to meet the president. In that case I too need to do something totally lame. Pee on a fire hydrant or something. Then the president calls me "a stupid dog" on TV. Other people who pee on fire hydrants are outraged. So I end up having a beer with Obama on the White House lawn. It could happen. It's no stupider than this incident.

I need to take my dog out in the morning. Heh heh, so this is what I'll do. I know that our local version of Crowley comes by about 8:17 every morning. So I'll be stationed at the hydrant, my hand at the zipper. My dog will be watching me, also posed and ready, because she'd like to meet Bo the president's dog and share a bowl of water with him. As soon as we spot Officer Crowley... you get the idea. It'll be public urination! Guilty as charged! Man and dog, hydrant action!

There's only one intsy little problem. There's no news conferences with Obama scheduled insofar as I know. So for me to time it just right so that the president calls me "a stupid dog" on national TV is going to very tricky.

But sue me, I've always been an optimist. This is going to happen! I'm going to have beer with the president on the White House lawn! So I shall see you in the morning. And just to make double sure I'm ready for this, I'm going to drink an entire pot of coffee right before bed!

Postscript: After President Obama and I have our beers, guess what we're going to do? There must be plenty of hydrants near the White House.

Getting a Urine Sample from a Dog

Have you ever tried to get a urine sample from a dog? It's very hard.

Our dog was sick one time and the vet said to bring in a urine sample. So you take the dog out, and it's unpredictable when she's going to pee. You're there with a little plate, trying your best not to freak the dog out, who of course has no idea what's going on.

Then when she drops down to pee, you can't see what's going on down there because of the overhanging fur, so you try to shove the plate in, further confusing the dog who instantly quits peeing.

By now she's looking at you with a mixture of confusion and distrust. "Are you angry at me for some reason?" she's wondering. So you say, "Good girl, everything's good." Finally you win back her trust long enough for her to try to pee, and you shove in the plate, which this time comes up with a dribble, probably not enough.

Your temper is rising because we could be doing this all day, squat and shove in the plate, and it's not going well. The more you do it, the harder it is.

Finally we got several more dribbles, enough for a microscope, I guessed. And the vet said that was enough. Good job.