I haven't heard from the pirates in the last few days. They're still out there, right?
This isn't like the shark attacks just before 9/11, all of whom quit attacking as soon as 9/11 happened, is it? Or do they go in cycles like biorhythms? Check the Sol-Lunar calendar in the newspaper to see if it's a good day for pirates.
A decent pirate really needs to find one of those time/space warps and buzz back to a bygone era. Then they're back there with a modern ship, destroying everything in their path, collecting booty. Unfortunately, since they're like bulls in a china shop, they wouldn't have all the usual time travel scruples about changing history. So they'd be killing all their rival buccaneers, and whoever those folks' descendants are would be disappearing left and right.
But think of the booty, for them, and for us. Anyone who disappeared, we could run over and steal their stuff, since it turned out they never really existed anyway. It's like piracy without a victim!
Showing posts with label pirates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pirates. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
They're Giving Pirates A Bad Name
All those lovable pirates we used to hear about. Well, I'm sure they weren't lovable in real life, but in the story books they had a certain charm.
I've got an album by William Bendix, which I could listen to if I wanted. It's called "William Bendix Sings and Tells Famous Pirate Stories," put out on Cricket Records in 1959. He tells the stories of Blackbeard, Henry Morgan, Jean Lafitte, and Captain Kidd. I've heard it before but really can't tell you a thing about any of those pirates. Except Henry Morgan has a fairly boring name for a pirate. Henry Morgan sounds like an accountant. But you know, pirates are always counting out their doubloons and keeping track of how many dead men there are on a chest, so maybe Henry Morgan did have some accounting experience.
They were not likely that lovable, but once they get to the stories they are. And now we have actual pirates on the high seas who aren't lovable and are giving the true pirates of lore a bad name. So that's no good. Holding ships hostage, the captain of a ship, whatever. It's disgusting. We ought to be able to beat these people. Like when we see them going along, bomb them. That ought to stem some of this. The old pirates had it easier. They didn't have planes and bombs back then. I wouldn't want to be a pirate now.
I've got an album by William Bendix, which I could listen to if I wanted. It's called "William Bendix Sings and Tells Famous Pirate Stories," put out on Cricket Records in 1959. He tells the stories of Blackbeard, Henry Morgan, Jean Lafitte, and Captain Kidd. I've heard it before but really can't tell you a thing about any of those pirates. Except Henry Morgan has a fairly boring name for a pirate. Henry Morgan sounds like an accountant. But you know, pirates are always counting out their doubloons and keeping track of how many dead men there are on a chest, so maybe Henry Morgan did have some accounting experience.
They were not likely that lovable, but once they get to the stories they are. And now we have actual pirates on the high seas who aren't lovable and are giving the true pirates of lore a bad name. So that's no good. Holding ships hostage, the captain of a ship, whatever. It's disgusting. We ought to be able to beat these people. Like when we see them going along, bomb them. That ought to stem some of this. The old pirates had it easier. They didn't have planes and bombs back then. I wouldn't want to be a pirate now.
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