My Fingernails Getting Too Long

We've all heard that the fingernails of corpses continue to grow, for whatever reason. You open a casket 10 years later and they've scratched their eyes out.

I'm not even dead yet and my fingernails are growing at a prodigious pace. I just clipped them a week or so again and it's already time to take the shears to them again. Big garden shears is the only thing I can use. That's how thick they are. I need dynamite for my toenails.

I've been playing my guitar a lot more lately -- but not much in the last couple of days since I didn't want to retune it. Then I retuned it today and what's the next problem I have? Long fingernails. I can barely type this because of my enormous fingernails.

A few years ago I quit biting them. I used to gnaw them down to the quick, like one of my brothers. But I quit doing that all together, not out of choice but to save my teeth, which I always think are too brittle to stand it. Seriously, I'd need to be a beaver to keep up with my fingernails.

I was just looking at them. We had lunch and I have several crumbs and dried powdery food under there. I got to get them cut. I can smell yesterday's meal under there somewhere, it's that bad.

I was just thinking what it'd look like if I saw these crumbs and crap under a microscope. I'm sure it'd look like a vast army -- like a flea looks like -- and would drive me insane. That's why I never own a microscope, because the looks of small things would scare me to death.

Just a quickie here ... to make note of the weird stuff under my long fingernails, and to serve as a prologue to actually getting something done about them.